No matter how skilled you may be in an area of your life, if you don’t believe in your worth, you will sabotage yourself from reaching your full potential. Yes, you can even set goals, but if you don’t believe you are worth receiving the benefits of those goals, you will flatten out like a pancake in the face of adversity and tell yourself, “See? I knew I would never get what I wanted!”
Deep within us, we know what we need to do to reach our greatest potential. However, we have subtle messages in our mind that tell us, “You are not enough to get what you ultimately want.”
Perhaps it was never told to you directly, but it was the subtle message you told yourself because of someone’s behavior, or lack of it.
Unfortunately when we are young, we interpret each other’s behavior personally and therefore tell ourselves it must be our fault. These self-deprecating evaluations stick in our mind like a virus in our computer, making us sluggish, shut down and sheepish to go for what we ultimately want. If we are not in a passive mode, we become aggressive, like a bull in a china shop, masking our fear that we won’t get what we want.
A study by University of Washington researchers says by age 5, children already have formed much of their self-esteem. The problem is that many of the messages we have given ourselves have been stored away in our subconscious mind and act as a temperature gauge and set point for our comfort zone. This is why you see yourself, and others, saying you want one thing but then doing another. Or you act grandiose about your goals, but have not established any kind of plan, strategy or daily execution to achieve them.
In order to achieve new heights of success, you have to be willing to do the work of digging deep down and finding the mindset messages that told you, “I am not able to have what I want with ease.” If you don’t do the work to get to these mindset messages, you cannot replace them with mindset mantras that will ensure you get exactly what you want!
Perhaps you are thinking, “I think I’m enough!” If so, great! But I would bet there are other beliefs you are subconsciously thinking that are slowing you down from being your full potential.
Here are 10 common mindsets that keep us from believing we are worth what we want:
(Check off if any of these sound like you)
- To be successful, I must work hard.
- To be successful, I must be highly educated.
- To be wealthy, I will have to love money and that is not good.
- To be successful, my personal life will suffer.
- People will take advantage of me and expect more from me if I am successful.
- It is lonely at the top.
- I don’t have enough support or money to do what I want.
- I am afraid to fail and look foolish.
- I am afraid to succeed because I may change or become vulnerable.
- What if I try hard to succeed and then find out I’m not all that?
Self-worth and self-esteem encompass beliefs about oneself. When we face adversity, obstacles, difficulty and challenges, inevitably our self-worth will determine whether or not we will reach our goal. This is true even more than strategy or circumstances alone.
What does your mind secretly say to you when you hit adversity?
- “No problem!”
- “I am competent”
- “I will figure this out!”
- “I’ve got this!”
Or does your mind chatter and say:
- “Oh, no!”
- “I don’t have time for this!”
- “What am I going to do?”
- “I hope I can figure this out!”
Our mental and emotional state, and hence how we feel about ourselves, has everything to do with this initial evaluative thought process. If we automatically believe, “I’ve got this!” we are demonstrating our connection to our high self-worth and self-esteem.
Limited thoughts like, “I hope I can figure this out!” make us unconsciously believe there are limited possibilities and therefore, we are limited. Because thoughts become feelings, feelings lead to actions and actions to results, eventually these limited thoughts will lead to less than ideal results. When we get limited results, we get to say to ourselves, “See, I was right…this never was going to work out anyway!” Deep down, what we didn’t realize is that what we think about, we bring about and what we focus on expands. Because we thought we weren’t worth it, we’ve got to be right. Unfortunately, sometimes we prefer to be right rather than to work out the messages in our mind so we can be our full potential.
Challenge:Â Where do you need to change your mindset so you can believe in your worth and reach your full potential?
-Susan K. Wehrley is an author, business coach and consultant who aligns leaders and teams to their goals. As part of her goal alignment process, she ensures executives have the mindset for success. You can learn more about Susan and her business at www.BIZremedies.com. You can reach her at (414) 581-0449 or susan@solutionsbysusan.com.
