Have you ever wondered why you see yourself one way, while others don’t see you like that at all? Do we underestimate or overestimate our skills and abilities or are we unaware how others see us? Is it a lack of feedback or do we just ignore or don’t recognize the feedback?
You have the opportunity to build the self-esteem of your employees during your daily interactions. Here are some suggestions:
Start small
Start with small successes. Each completed task, regardless of how small, is a building block toward a more confident you. Do something that scares you. As with all skills, we get better with practice and repetition. The more often we proactively do things that scare us, the less scary these situations will seem, and eventually we will be rid of that fear. This is a proven strategy which “desensitizes” you to the troubling situation. Regularly doing things that you are good at reinforces your belief in your abilities and strengths.
Create a compelling vision by setting goals
Create an image of yourself as the confident and self-assured person you aspire to become through the process of visualization. When you are this person, how will you feel? How will others perceive you? What does your body language look like? How will you talk? See these clearly in your mind’s eye, with your eyes closed.
A study done at Virginia Tech found that 80 percent of Americans say they don’t have goals. They found that the people who regularly write down their goals earn nine times as much over their lifetime as people who don’t. By setting goals that are clear and actionable, you have a clear target of where you want to be. Taking action toward that goal, you’ll build more confidence and self-esteem in your abilities to follow through.
Negative thinking
You need to challenge and extinguish negative or inaccurate thinking. Your initial thoughts might not be the only possible way to view a situation. Ask yourself whether your view is consistent with facts and logic and if other situations might be plausible. Most people have automatic, long-standing ways of thinking about their lives and themselves. These thoughts and beliefs can feel normal and factual, but many are actually just opinions or perceptions.
Identify troubling conditions or situations
As suggested in an article by the Mayo Clinic staff, they suggest that you think about the conditions or situations that seem to deflate your self-esteem. Some common triggers might include: a business presentation; a crisis at work or home; a challenge with a spouse, loved one, co-worker or other close contact; or a change in life circumstances, such as a job loss or a child leaving home.
Become aware of thoughts and beliefs
Once you’ve identified troubling conditions or situations, pay attention to your thoughts about them. This includes your “self-talk,” what you tell yourself and your interpretation of what the situation means. Your thoughts and beliefs might be positive, negative or neutral. They might be rational, based on reason or facts, or irrational, based on false ideas. Self-talk can calm you and assist you in addressing the troubling condition.
Encourage feedback
Ask your immediate supervisor, friend, spouse or co-worker “What do you like about me?” “What are my strengths?” “What can I do better?” Often, we value other people’s opinions more than our own. We are the best at beating ourselves up for things not done well, and we are the worst at recognizing what we’ve done well. Feedback from someone you respect regarding your strengths and positive qualities builds a more positive image of yourself.
Purpose and perspective
Read something inspirational, listen to something empowering or talk to someone who can uplift your spirits and motivate you to become a better person, to live more consciously, and to take proactive steps toward creating a better life for yourself and your family.
Replace negative or inaccurate thoughts with accurate, constructive thoughts. Treat yourself with kindness and encouragement. Pessimism can be a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you think your presentation isn’t going to go well, you might indeed stumble through it. Try telling yourself things such as, “Even though it’s tough, I can handle this situation.”
Forgive yourself. Everyone makes mistakes and mistakes aren’t permanent reflections on you as a person. Tell yourself, “I made a mistake, but that doesn’t make me a bad person.” Focus on the positive. Remind yourself of things that have gone well recently. Consider the skills you’ve used to cope with challenging situations.
People who feel they have a purpose or are contributing to something important tend to believe in themselves. This is especially valuable in the workplace. Knowing, for example, that you are helping manufacture the largest mining crane in the world contributes to your self-esteem. If your job is to keep the elevator in the hospital clean, it contributes to your esteem when you hear (and believe) that your effort contributes to making patients feel welcome and comfortable.
No more comparisons
Stop comparing yourself to other people. Low self-esteem stems from the feeling of being inferior. Remember that we are each unique and should concentrate on building on our strengths and not focus on our weaknesses. Don’t worry about what other people are doing. Accept the fact it would serve you more to just go down your own path at your own pace rather than to compare yourself. Pretend you’re starting over and begin immediately with the smallest step forward.
Make your company a positive place to work, play and develop the abilities of your employees. You can use the annual appraisal process as an opportunity to build on an individual’s strengths and assist him or her in developing a plan to become a more confident and productive employee.
Cary Silverstein, MBA, is the president of SMA LLC and The Negotiating Edge. He leads a group that provides services in the areas of strategic planning, negotiation training and conflict resolution with offices in Fox Point and Scottsdale, Ariz. He can be reached at (414) 403-2942 or at Csilve1013@aol.com.
