“Every human being needs to listen consciously in order to live fully.”
— Julian Treasure
Listening is an art and skill developed with intention and practice. We appreciate leaders who consciously listen and leaders who have the capacity to hear what is said and what is not said.
So often the message sent is not the message heard! Many of us know this joke or one similar, which illustrates the disconnect: A wife asks her husband, a software engineer, “Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6!” A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk. The wife asks him, “Why in the world did you buy 6 cartons of milk?” He replied, “They had eggs.”
Message sent was not the message heard!
The challenge
Research suggests that on a good day, we may hear about 60 percent of what is said and we retain about 25 percent. Clearly then, we have work to do to strengthen our capacity to intentionally listen to one another.
When our team conducts an organizational culture assessment or a leadership assessment for a client, employees often report that leaders “don’t listen.” They don’t listen to employees, they don’t listen to managers, they don’t listen to one another. They don’t hear the sounds that speak to the culture of the organization. Many leaders do not hear the energy of laughter and engagement; or the silence of mistrust. They do not welcome the voice of conflict that can lead to breakthrough ideas and future possibilities. They may miss the opportunity to engage in the conversation of the organization and to learn how employees, managers and colleagues see the work of the organization and the barriers to organizational success.
Today’s reflections will focus on one-on-one intentional listening. In the next column, we will explore ways that leaders can listen to the culture of the workplace and hear the message offered.
A model of listening: RASA
RASA, an acronym for Receive, Appreciate, Summarize and Ask, is a model of listening that increases our ability to truly hear one another. RASA is a Sanskrit word that means “juice” or “essence.”
RASA exercise
In a recent leadership retreat, a colleague and I invited leaders to participate in an exercise to enhance their ability to listen. In groups of three they practiced listening through the discipline of RASA. While two people engaged in a conversation, the third observed and gave feedback.
They had an opportunity to switch roles so that each person had the experience of practicing intentional listening and to receive feedback from the observer and partner after the conversation.
- Receive. When we truly listen to another, we offer him or her our undivided attention. We listen with our ears, with our eyes, with our entire being. We communicate non-verbally that in the moment, nothing is more important.
- Appreciate. We signal to another that we appreciate what he or she is saying with nonverbal cues by nodding our heads, expressing affirming sounds or saying “yes” as he or she is expressing thoughts and concerns.
- Summarize. Periodically, we take a few moments in the conversation to summarize what we are hearing. The other person has an opportunity to modify what was said for understanding and to enjoy the uncommon experience of truly being heard.
- Ask. Finally, we ask questions to deepen our understanding and to affirm our appreciation of the other person.
Lessons learned
The leadership conversation after the exercise provided rich learning. Leaders reported that the exercise provided a “way” for them to listen that grounded them in the present moment and helped them to focus on the other person. They acknowledged how difficult it is to avoid distraction and offer “undivided attention.” They also acknowledged that five minutes of uninterrupted, full attention listening has more value than meeting with someone for an hour while distracted by thoughts, e-mail, phone, etc.
As you interact with colleagues and direct reports during the next few weeks, we encourage you to practice this way of listening. It will deepen your ability to live fully by consciously listening to the other.
We invite you to let us know what difference it makes in your workplace relationships.
Karen Vernal is the president of Vernal Management Consultants LLC, a Milwaukee-based leadership and organizational firm dedicated to “igniting the spirit and skills of leaders.” The company is one of two firms in the nation to be certified in Emotional Intelligence through the Institute of Health and Human Potential. For additional information, visit www.vernalmgmt.com.
