Editor’s note: This article is an excerpt from Susan K. Wehrley’s new book, “EGO at Work!,” which is coming out in September.
Everyone knows there is no “I” in team, but when it comes to our ego, it is easy to Edge the Group Out by being overly absorbed in “What’s in it for me?” When our mindset is on our self, we can be assured our ego is hindering us at work.
The word ego comes from the Latin word “I,” meaning our sense of self – how we think, feel, and sense our willpower. A person’s ego is a perception of himself or herself that is separate and distinguishable from others. It is important for us to have a healthy sense of self if we are to contribute to others and our work, and feel safe that we will not lose our self in a relationship or job.
A healthy ego also allows us to be strong enough in our self to compete and collaborate with others, without feeling crushed or defeated when someone strongly disagrees with us or rejects us. I refer to this state of mind as ego-strength to remind us that this state of mind does not edge the group out. Instead, it allows us to be resilient and open-minded as we meet the changes and challenges life has to offer. When we operate from our ego-strength, we are more able to collaborate with others and explore possibilities open-mindedly. This ego-strength mindset helps us be successful at work and in our lives.
When we operate from our ego-strength, we are more able to work well with people, overcome obstacles, and see possibilities we otherwise could not see. This does not mean we do not have mild judgment, fear, disappointment or sadness from time to time. It’s just that we get beyond our own experience, practice curiosity and compassion, and eventually gain wisdom to realize we were operating from a place of fear.
When we shift from fear to curiosity, we are able to create relationships – and a business – that can collaborate and be more innovative toward our purpose and goals.
We are also able to personally keep our passion, power, and peace in difficult situations because we are more open-minded and less attached to the outcome of safety, security, love and belonging.
Ego-strength, as you can see, is the preferred ego approach. When we are in our ego-strength, we have a resilient nature. In this state of mind, we are better able to respond to difficult circumstances and people, instead of reacting impulsively. This is possible when we focus on our purpose, instead of judgment toward the people who are troublesome to us in the moment.
Fear can seductively shift us out of our ego-strength into a mindset of limited thoughts again. It becomes extremely difficult to find solutions to complex problems and people when we are in fear, as fear causes more chaos than collaboration and innovation.
How to work from your ego-strength
In order to be in your ego-strength, set your focus and intention up front with those you want to collaborate with by asking a question that begins with “How might we…?” When your group has a clear focus and intention posed in a single question, it is more apt to:
- Collaborate on the obstacle at hand.
- Be open-minded and brainstorm.
- Find innovative solutions to your obstacle.
After consulting and coaching countless executives and individuals striving for more success in their lives and businesses for more than 25 years, I have come to realize that developing ego-strength is critical for success.
When I am called in to companies, or by individuals seeking more mindfulness in their lives, my job is to show them how to transcend the ego patterns that do not yield longstanding results. I tell them, “As long as you see the problem outside of yourself, you will not get what you want most, because you are not connecting with the power within yourself first before you explore the answers and the way.”
It isn’t always easy for them to hear this truth, nor do they always understand that every relationship begins with a relationship with self, but I am patient and thorough when giving them this crucial information about how to tap into our ego-strength for greater results.
-Susan K. Wehrley is a business coach and consultant, who has authored five empowerment books. Her sixth empowerment book, coming out in September, is called “EGO at Work.” Learn more about Susan, her books and her services at www.solutionsbysusan.com or www.BIZremedies.com. She can be reached at susan@solutionsbysusan.com or (414) 581-0449.
