Staking your ground

Here’s how to evaluate your stature
and gain confidence among management
CHRISTINE McMAHON
For SBT
Question: I am a 31-year-old female manager. I have a great deal of responsibility for my age. My toughest negotiations are with other senior level managers within my company. For example, at some management meetings I feel invisible. When I offer recommendations to resolve issues, I get no response. What can I do to be heard?
Answer: The general nature of your question leads us to believe that there are a variety of different factors playing into your situation. Generally speaking, we see three primary influences: communications, stature/confidence and politics.
First let’s consider the issue of communications. Have you examined how you present your ideas? Do you begin by apologizing? For example, do you say things such as: “I’m not sure how this will work but ….” or “This might not work but ….” That type of approach directs your audience to discount the value of your ideas before you have even presented them.
A better approach is, “It seems the issue at hand is … do we agree? What if we took AB and combined it with C, we would get XYZ as a result. Make sense?” Beginning with a consensus statement – “Do we agree?” – engages the group’s attention and then confirms for you that all parties are in agreement regarding the issues. That provides the springboard for your message to be heard.
When negotiating, it’s important to recognize that people see the world from their own vantage point. Their perceptions are their reality. Understanding that people routinely fail to interpret what you say in the manner in which you intended, it is an assumption that will serve you well when negotiating. Think through your comments and extract the essence of your message. Make sure your tone and delivery are neutral – not too excited, and never challenging nor condescending.
When communicating, are you too wordy? Do you expand and cover every detail when you present your ideas? If so, why? Do you feel you have to justify your ideas to be heard? Do you have difficulties narrowing your ideas to a few key points? If that is the case, then you are numbing your audience. You are causing them to tune you out. It only takes a few meetings before you are labeled “Miss Chatterbox”, and you are not listened to.
You increase your chances of being heard when you are concise and to the point. That may not be easy at first, so practice. When in a meeting, use a pad of paper and capture the key points of the discussion with topic headers and bullets. For example:
A. Office relocation
1. Advance notice
a. General notice via division managers
b. Local notice via sales managers
B. Expenses
1. Over $25
a. No receipts
2. Timely and complete
a. Due 1st Tuesday each month
b. One-up signatures
c. Division identification on envelope
Taking such notes will help you to keep focused and to remember the key points other members have offered. When you are ready to offer ideas, use the same format using the key topic and supporting bullet statements. That will train your mind to identify the essential information that you need to communicate and train you to be succinct. Remember, if there is something more that they want to know, they will ask.
With regard to stature and confidence, do you know how others perceive you? Do they look at you as someone who has equal stature or as the “new kid on the block”? How you see yourself is often a reflection of how others treat you. Are you confident? Do you have high self-esteem?
If not, do you know someone who can mentor or coach you in confidence? If not, you will need to be your own coach. Affirmations such as: “My youth is an advantage because I can see issues from a perspective that the other members lack.” “I was promoted to this position because I get results.” “I have competencies that make a difference for this company every day.” “I bring energy and enthusiasm.” Being heard in a meeting requires that you feel that what you have to say has value. Self-doubt is self-defeating.
Finally, politics may be an issue. Were you offered the job someone else felt entitled to? Is there ill will among the management team for some other reason? Are they setting you up to fail? If some degree of sabotage is afoot, then a more drastic approach may be needed.
Talk with the hiring supervisor about your situation. He or she may offer some background information or other insights about the group that could be helpful. Be sure not to sound whiny. For example don’t say things such as: “They never listen to me when I talk.”
Instead, present your ideas and issues as facts: “It is difficult to get a response from this group when suggestions are brought forth. Do you have any ideas about how to be more effective?”
When in a meeting, listen. Listen very carefully to their words and phrases. Their silence may be this group’s “rite of passage” that all newcomers experience to prove your worthiness. Sounds silly, but you’re dealing with people. I remember at my first job, I was labeled as the “token woman.” I was the first woman hired for the management track. The team’s discomfort in working with a female resulted in having every one of my accomplishments negated by an attitude of “They want her to succeed. She couldn’t have done it on their own.” Eventually, I was promoted and became their boss, and we were the No. 1 team in the country.
Understanding the intent behind people’s behavior gives you tremendous insight for strategizing your approach.
It may be beneficial for you to ask what motivates them. Do not delegate that responsibility to your supervisor. You do not want to risk being perceived as someone who asks others to “fight their battles.” When you take responsibility for yourself and the outcomes you are getting, you have power to make change happen. If you relinquish your power to others, then you relinquish control. You are a manager. Assume your position and take responsibility for the situation.
Remember, you cannot change other people’s behavior; you can only change your own.
Knowledge is power in a negotiation. Understanding the reasoning behind their actions is key to designing your strategy. Examine what you can change in yourself and look at the reaction you are getting. If the situation is improving, even slightly, you are on the right track. If it doesn’t improve, then consider an alternate course of action.
Christine McMahon is the owner of Christine McMahon & Associates, a training and coaching firm in Milwaukee. She can be reached at 414-290-3344. Small Business Times readers who would like a negotiating situation addressed in this column can send a fax to 414-290-3330, or e-mail her at: ccm@christinemcmahon.com. Her column appears in every other issue of SBT.
Aug. 3, 2001 Small Business Times, Milwaukee